In Defense of Kindness

We live in a world that often confuses kindness with weakness.

We celebrate cleverness, confidence, even confrontation, but kindness? That’s seen as soft, passive, and nice, but not necessary. Something you tack on after the “real” work is done.

There's a reason why many go to such great lengths to avoid it.
Kindness is hard work.
It takes effort, attention, and no small amount of courage.

And in the long run, it’s one of the most powerful tools we have for connection, for clarity, for leadership, and for simply living a better life.

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It Starts with Emotional Intelligence

You don’t need a psych degree to understand emotional intelligence. Most of us already feel the difference between someone who “gets it” and someone who doesn’t.

It's the difference between the manager who sees you're overwhelmed and quietly moves the deadline…
… and the one who asks why you're not smiling more during burnout.

It’s the friend who listens instead of problem-solving you to death.
The coworker who can read a room and adjust their tone without making it weird.

Emotional intelligence isn’t about being perfect or polished. It’s about being aware of yourself, of others and how your words and energy land in a shared space.  It’s noticing the shift in a person’s voice, the hesitation in a reply, the small ways people show they’re not okay.  If you understand why you feel and react the way you do, then you can start to recognize why others are reacting the way they are. The thing is, once you start noticing, you can’t un-notice. That's where kindness comes in.

When Ted Lasso first aired in 2020, the world was unraveling. We were deep in the pandemic.  We felt isolated, anxious, angry, and uncertain. And into that chaos walked a mustachioed football coach with dad jokes, homemade biscuits, and a relentless belief in people.

It should’ve been too sweet, too naive. But it wasn’t.

People clung to Ted Lasso not because it was an escape from reality, but because it reminded us of a version of reality we wanted to return to: one where kindness wasn’t seen as weakness, where optimism wasn’t toxic, and where vulnerability wasn’t just allowed, but celebrated.

Ted didn’t fix people. He didn’t always win. But he listened, he showed up, and he chose kindness even when it would’ve been easier to deflect or dismiss. And in doing so, he gave us a roadmap, one we needed more than we realized.  Yet, one of the show's greatest strengths was showing that Ted was deeply human with all the scars and flaws that being one of us entails.  It painted a real picture of the effort it takes to be kind.

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Why Kindness Is Hard

Kindness isn’t just “being nice.”
It’s being intentional.

It’s listening even when you’re tired.
It’s staying present in an awkward moment instead of checking out.
It’s asking, “How are you?” and meaning it, then waiting for the real answer.

Kindness is following up.
It’s speaking gently when you could speak sharply.
It’s making space for someone else’s mess even when your own plate is full.

It's forgiving people . . . and meaning it.

And all of that?
Takes time. Energy. Discipline. Self-regulation.

It’s hard work and, in many ways, sacrifice.  It's easier to hold onto anger, self-righteousness, and fear.  We hold those things close because they pass the blame. It would be easier to just react. To protect your own space and move on. But kindness asks us to do more. To extend ourselves. To risk being misunderstood. To show care before it’s convenient.

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The Loudest & Harshest Voice is Often Our Own

Here’s the part we forget:

Kindness starts at home.

Most of us have an inner voice that’s… less than gentle.
It tells us we’re falling short, that we should’ve known better, that we messed it up again.
It plays our greatest hits of self-criticism on repeat.

And the worst part? We believe it. We think if we just beat ourselves up hard enough, we’ll improve.

But you don’t grow from shame.
You grow from grace. From curiosity. From giving yourself the same patience you’d offer to a struggling friend.

Kindness to the self is catching that harsh voice in the act and asking:
“Would I say this to someone I love?”
If not, why say it to yourself?

That small reframe can unlock everything you’ve been afraid to try.

This is the real work of kindness.  It is hard to stare at your reflection and be objective.  If you can't forgive yourself, how can you forgive others?  

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The Quiet Power of Choosing Kindness

Kindness isn’t loud. It doesn’t demand credit.
But it leaves a mark.

It makes people feel safe. Seen. Supported.
It changes the temperature in a room.
It builds trust where there used to be tension.

And over time, kindness, real, practiced kindness, becomes something bigger than a mood. It becomes a presence. The kind people remember long after the meeting ends, or the friendship shifts, or the moment passes.

Kindness doesn’t always win the argument. But, that's not the point. Intentionally putting in the effort to be kind, changes the conversation.